Keavin vs. IMAS

by Keavin

This all started when I saw IMAS appearing in several of my friends' AIM profiles. I figured it was the latest new internet fad after JesusDance or All-Your-Base. Not being the type to admit I wasn't up on the latest e-fad, I decided to take matters into my own hands and did a Google search. I stumbled on some odd sites. The Iowans for Militant Anti-Christs Society was pretty strange, in fact. I believe they were the last link Google found - right before my computer crashed. I only had a few moments to gaze over the index page. The "Phase I: Create Reality TV craze - Total Success" link seemed especially interesting. The next link was "Phase II: Red Sox Go to World Series." Not being a Bostonian, I didn't really care. The third tab just said Phase III and had a weird mushroom like graphic. Unfortunately my computer displayed "Error 403: User not in Cabal" and started to format before I could explore the site any further.

That's when the suit showed up. He said I had to go to some place called Des Moines. (It's in Iowa!) Usually, when suits show up at my door, there's a guy walking around in the suit. This was just the coat, tie, and pants floating in midair. (Don't even ask how it talked; I can't recall.) It was the oddest thing I'd ever seen. Anyway, the suits took me to the Metro station. I think we got on the purple line. What's important is that there was a totally plausible explanation for the whole cloak and dagger thing. I'd accidentally released some irradiated cockroaches into my room the month before, and Facilities was finally fumigating the room. I was "debriefed" in Des Moines and given a new computer. Apparently the 'roaches fried my old one while I was being debriefed. The odd thing is, I don't remember much about Iowa except vague images of corn fields.

I think the moral of this story is to never ever use cockroaches for anything. My next experiment will be something along the lines of Irradiated Anthropomorphically Mutated Spiders.