Dusted

by Amy S.

Of all the creatures in Heaven and Earth, my friend, none is so evil as the dust bunny. These devilish fiends are the true monsters that lurk under your bed, these forces of destruction...

Hey, stop laughing! I'm deadly serious; if you'd experienced what I've been through thanks to these monsters, even the thought of a dust bunny would make you break into a cold sweat.

It happened on one calm, peaceful night in the middle of October. I'd yawned my way into bed early, and was soon asleep and dreaming. In my dream, I was flying through the crisp autumn air on my very own fluffy white cloud. We sped around the world, my cloud and I, dodging lightning bolts and skimming over mountain tops. Suddenly -- THWACK! -- we'd run straight into the side of a mountain. I sat bolt upright in my bed, whacking my head on the ceiling, then collapsed back limply. "Oh, thank God," I told Boba Fett, who was glaring at me expressionlessly from the Star Wars calendar on my wall, "It was only a dream." I closed my eyes and then it hit me... my bed's not a bunk bed, how could I smack my head on the ceiling?

I sat bolt upright, adrenaline coursing through my body. My bed was floating seven feet in the air, supported by a herd of dust bunnies glowing sinisterly in the moonlight. THWACK! My bed hit the wall. They were trying to throw me out the window! I shrieked, waking my roommate. She valiantly ran to my rescue, but before she was even halfway across the room the dust bunnies picked her up, threw her violently into the closet, and locked her in. I finally ripped my way free of my bedding and dove off my bed, landing painfully on the hard floor tiles. The dust bunnies dropped my bed and swarmed toward me, the bed missing my head by an inch. I fought for my life, surrounded by balls composed of lint, hair, and pure evil. Through the linty haze, I heard my roommate pounding on the closet door. "Amy, let me out!" she shouted. "I'VE GOT THE PORTABLE VACUUM!"

At these words, the dust bunnies seemed to cringe, and with the last of my strength I flung myself at the closet door and unlocked it. The door burst open as I collapsed exhausted against the wall. My roommate appeared in the doorframe, brandishing the vacuum like some sort of medieval heroine. The air was suddenly filled with the roar of the vacuum, and in mere moments all the dust bunnies were destroyed. I climbed to my feet shakily, and triumphant we surveyed our beautifully clean room.

And that is why I hate dust bunnies.