The Italian Parking Job

by Aaron

I swear the gods are messing with me. There is no parking on the street, and twice when I find a spot on the other side of the street someone takes it before I can turn around. So I drive around the block and park near this high school about 45 minutes away. By the time I get to my apartment, the guy who took my spot is sitting on his porch across the street with a lemonade.

"Find a spot yet?" he asked.

"Hey asshole, I'm only going inside to get my bat."

So I get my bat, come back outside, and start wailing on his car. I mean really wailing, lights, windshield, bumper. And this dude comes over, looks at the car and says, "Thats a real nice job you're doing. Whose car is that?"

I look to my left and see that his actual car is about three houses down. He offers me some lemonade as the car's owner comes screaming out of his house. I hit the guy in the knees, take the lemonade and book it down the street. I hide in the supermarket for about half an hour while things calm down, and eventually ride a shopping cart down the hill to the back entrance of my apartment. After I climb the fire escape, I go into my room and put a mask on. Then, under cover of darkness, I go outside with a screwdriver and switch the license plates of the two cars. So to make a long story short, now I'm in jail and could one of you please call my office and tell them I won't be coming in on Monday?