A Sticky Situation

by Robert

It was a sunny spring day just like any other... except that this spring, sunny days were few and far between. So it was a sunny spring day unlike most others, in that it was sunny, not in any other way... except for the slightly higher than average pollen count.

No matter.

It was a sunny spring day more-or-less like any other sunny spring day. The birds were singing; the insects were buzzing; the wind whispered softly through the trees. Small puffy white clouds ambled their way across the sphere of the sky. I guess they must have blocked the sun occasionally, but I never really noticed such an occurrence. For the purposes of this story, let's just say that it was sunny except when...

I'll start again.

The sea was angry that day, my friends.

Sorry.

The weather was entirely inconsequential and unremarkable. I was walking from my apartment to the Physics Building, as I so often do, since I am a physics major and often have class in that particular building, when, suddenly, I saw a stick of gargantuan proportions,lying sinisterly on the path ahead of me.

"Oh no!" I said in a moment of remarkable 20/20 foresight, "I will use way too many commas in the sentence preceding this!

"And there's a stick in my way."

I spent several minutes gathering my wits about me and checking my underwear for signs of soiling. When I was confident I had at least half my wits on me and underwear no dirtier than usual, I turned my attention to the stick.

This overgrown splinter stretched for more than three feet. A foot up from the base, which had obviously been torn roughly and rudely from its parent branch, the stick split in a V. One arm lay restlessly along the ground while the other stretched up, grabbing and clawing at the air. The monster was completely bereft of life; not a single leaf ordained its gruesome figure. This lack of greenery only made its knobby black twigs seem even more sinister.

But I knew I could not focus on dark thoughts. I must find a way around this branch and complete my ten-minute odyssey to the Physics Building. Then a thought hit me. Perhaps this branch, this limb, was not meant for me. Perhaps, just perhaps, it was lying in wait for another who would pass this way. If only I could avoid its snaring grasp, I could complete my quest.

I sidled forward, towards the terrible bough. A zephyr nudged the branch, causing it to sway ever so slightly. I almost gave up the approach, but instead I steeled myself and forced my feet forwards. Just then, in one of those life-affirming moments of epiphany, I saw my salvation: The left third of the sidewalk was not blocked by the awful stick. I shuffled to the left of the path. The stick did not react. I inched closer. The stick lay there, for all the world an inanimate object. Cautiously I crept forward: four feet . . . three feet . . . two feet . . . . No movement. No acknowledgment of my presence. Eighteen inches . . . twelve . . . six . . . I threw caution to the wind and dashed forward, keeping as always to the left edge of the path . . . .

And I was through. I was past my tormentor, my foe, that limb of horror. I dared not look back, like Lot's wife, to see what evil was behind me. I just quickened my pace and held a firm course to the Physics Building, where I arrived for class a fashionable five minutes late.

And I never took that route to the Physics Building again.